It's the end of the year....SURPRISE!!

Wow...the end of the year.....it's truly gone by so fast!! Especially the last 4 months. Wild. I've been at the salon for nearly 2 years now. How is that going?? Slow but steady. One of my clients predicted that 2011 was going to be my year...let's see if she's right!! I've learned how to handle/accept my co-workers for who and what they are, which has made life in the salon much easier. I still get frustrated with them, but, it's a lot less than what it was!! Katie made contact with her other family. A big thing, for the both of us. Yet again, I've discovered that if everyone leaves us alone, Douglas and I do just fine. When others stick their big beaks where they don't belong, it causes problems. His sister-in-law was all about being up my backside until she found out I have no sympathy for Douglas' trials & tribulations. Then, POOF, she disappeared. We're still "friends" on Facebook, but there hasn't been any one on one contact for over a week now. Which isn't really a bad thing....she's a bit schizo, really, so it's okay. My reasoning for contact with his relatives on FB is to notify when Katie's birthday is. Don't want them to feel excluded!!! Sigh...it stinks being the grown up sometimes. I've lost 20 lbs since July 21st. I've got 40 more to go before I reach my ultimate goal of 125 lbs. I get bored with WW frequently, so I'm not taking the new program terribly seriously right now. And, it's the holidays, where I'm eating foods I don't normally eat. I'm trying to be careful of the quantities of food that I eat, so that I don't overdo it. I did have a problem with all the pork I've been eating...we had spiral ham for Christmas, then I made a pork roast the other day. On top of all the salty foods I've been craving lately, my body went into over load and I wound up sick. I also had pierogies, which we never eat ( the homemade kind, not those nasty frozen ones), which are quite rich for me to eat, now that I've changed how I eat. So, it's been a dicey couple of days. Now, I'm eating "kosher'" (no pork of any kind) to kind of "cleanse" my system. Bad experience with the pork...won't be eating it for quite a while, I think, even with "Fatty's" coming up!! Really, I should have lost more than 20 lbs by now....but, like I said, I haven't been following the program like I should, so, my weight loss has been slower. But, at the same time, if I lose it slowly, I'm more likely to keep it off, which is my ultimate goal. So, once New Year's is out of the way, I can focus on what's important. Which is: lose 16lbs in 11 weeks. A bit daunting, since really, it will be 10 weeks, as I know I've gained weight this past week. That's 1.6lbs a week. Can I do it?? Absolutely. It's a matter of knuckling down and following the program!! Continuing to keep our finances under control. Tricky, especially when Doug skips child support and I don't know it until I check my account. Sigh. I don't make quite enough to cover his heiney, YET. Purchase the study materials for the national color exams. That will happen after I get my taxes back, as well as the finances thing. I won't be taking the exam until 2012, so I'll have from February (sometime) until July of 2012 to study, practice, absorb the entire process. My goal is to only take the damn exam once. And, I have to go to Boston to do it. I believe I will be calling upon my "sister", Lisa, for help in both staying in and getting to Boston. Her parents live in Methuen, which is MUCH closer than we are to Boston!! Continue to keep the lines of communication open between Doug and I. Which is difficult at best, since his girlfriend "manages" all his electronic accounts for him, so she does a lot of "editing" for him that he's totally unaware of. Keep Katie on an even keel because of all of this. Her life has turned upside down, courtesy of herself. And now, it's my job to keep that mess straightened out!!

The emotionally unavailable

What is it with guys that are emotionally unavailable? How is it that they're attractive to me??? I guess you could blame it on my Dad...boy, he was emotionally unavailable!! But, seriously...what is it with guys who think they're ready to move on, yet really aren't?? Is it so hard to admit you need some time, some considerable time, to lick your wounds?? To maybe sit in a corner, sucking your thumb and crying while holding your blankie?? I can tell you that coming on fairly strong to a new someone, then switching it off like a light switch doesn't get it done. While I understand that the holidays are hard when someone is freshly divorced (and boy, do I mean fresh...just shy of 2 months, a mere 6 months total since the separation), and has always had someone else to take care of things like Christmas shopping, etc., for them, let's try focusing on establishing and maintaining a family routine before we try adding someone new into it. Now, I'm not the first woman he's had a date with where he dropped them shortly after. But, here's the thing: YOU'RE NOT READY TO MOVE ON YET!!! Isn't there a self-help book out there somewhere for this very thing?? I may have to do some investigating after the holidays!! Thanks for letting me vent!

Just because....

I've sought the advice of many, because it's been a long time since I've been in the dating pool. All have said to tread carefully, due to the fact that he's recently divorced. Even my own gut said so, when listening to him lament about the same things...how he's never had to shop by himself before, an empty house, can only talk so much to your kids, etc. I both sympathize and empathize with this dilemma. Been there, done that. The best advice I've gotten is to ask him to something harmless and see what he does. (we did last week and had a great time!) This week, I got shot down. Ouch. Now, the adult in me realizes this is not the time frame to do this...the holidays are fast approaching, he owns his own business, and orders must be completed before the holiday. I get it. The giddy teenager in me is not impressed, at all. From blowing pretty hot to not so much in the course of a few days, well, it sucks. There are a lot of factors and/or variables that I'm not taking into consideration, because, well, I'm not there to listen to what his kids are saying to him. I'm too sure, because this is always the way, regardless of how old the children are (his are 16 & 12) that they are majorly affected by the divorce. And, no one but the kids know what Mom says when Dad isn't around. (and any of her friends). And, I only know what he's like around me. So, I've got nothing to go by, really. However, it still hurts, even though there isn't much invested in this. I hate the self-doubt, insecurity, and indecision that's involved in all of this. I'm sure that it's equal on both our parts...he's freshly divorced, and doesn't know which end is up, I've been out of the "dating pool" for 6 years. I use quotes because my last "dating" experience was with a full-blown, first class alcoholic. I always manage to find the emotionally unavailable and get attached. So, here I am, pity party, table of one. I'd like to say that I'll be optimistic about all of this, but, that's unlikely. I'm nothing if not one of the best doubting thomas' around.

In my life....

So, as you've read, my life has gone topsy-turvy. Katie's dad is back in the picture, and it's been "interesting" so far. Katie's aunt (Doug's sister-in-law) is back in my life, for which the jury is still out on. We used to be great friends, until she decided to feed Doug a bunch of crap which he then used as the excuse for us to originally break up. Really, he more than likely met someone else (the man has NEVER been faithful) and was ready to move on. Water under the bridge, really. However, the whole situation with Jennifer caused me to be forever cautious around her. She likes to "stir up trouble", so I'm careful what I say. She is full of "useful" information, though....even if I take most of it with a grain of salt. To add to the mix, just for fun, I've met someone. Now, normally, I do not look at my client base as dating fodder. Completely not cool, totally unprofessional. However, at the beginning of the month, I had a new client in my chair. We struck up conversation. (when you have someone in your chair, you can cover a LOT of territory in the time they're sitting with you!) And I heard the audible "click" that told me this guy could possibly be "IT". I watched him, and he heard it, too. By the time he left, not only did he tip me HUGE, he also suggested we all go skating sometime. (one of the conversations we had) So, when I got home that night, I found him on Facebook, and sent him a nice little message about how nice it was to talk to him today. And we've been talking ever since. He wanted to take me out last Saturday night, however, that just wasn't possible, since I was in Greenfield, waiting for Katie to be dropped off by her father. I did suggest that we go to lunch instead. Which we did. Here's the story: I drove over to his shop at the appointed time (did I mention he A) owns his own business? B) owns his own home?? C) has freshly signed divorce papers??) and let myself in. He's a machinist. Which was kind of neat to watch, even though it's all done by enclosed (mostly), computer run machines. He kept apologizing for not being ready. To which I replied: "Relax....it's okay, really!" Winchester is a really small town, much like Hinsdale is. So places to eat lunch are at a minimum that don't involve copious amounts of grease. We started off at the take-out Chinese place (which stunk to high heaven of grease). As we were standing there, contemplating the menu, James (did I mention his name is James??) suggested going to this bake shop/deli on the other side of Hinsdale. So, I said, "Sure. I've never eaten there before." And, we climb back in his truck, drive towards Hinsdale. As we approach the race track (where the new Walmart is located), he asks me if there's an Applebee's in Brattleboro. "No, but there's a 99" "I love 99! Lets go there!" "Okay!" So, we go to 99 for lunch. The food took it's sweet time getting to our table, so we had a chance to talk. It was a bit awkward at first, because this is all new to the both of us (it's been nearly 6 years since I was involved in anything vaguely resembling a relationship). But, we did okay. Our food arrived, we ate and talked some more. Then, we finally decided to leave. We get back into his truck (fully loaded, brand sparkly new pick up truck with vanity plates, I might add) and he asks me if I mind going back to Winchester via Chesterfield. (which, for those that don't know, is in the complete OPPOSITE direction from whence we came) By the time we got back to his shop, we had been gone for over 2 hours!! Now, nothing happened other than a whole lot of conversation. However, I haven't been able to wipe the smile off my face ever since. We're going to try to get together again, for either lunch or dinner, SOON. Stay tuned!! :)

Nobody likes a liar...

Anybody who has known me for any length of time will tell you I don't lie. I don't have the energy for it, I don't have the memory capacity to remember all the lies, so, I just don't bother. I've always operated (especially since becoming a parent) under the policy of "honesty is the best policy". I've been known to drop someone like a hot potato if I catch them lying to me, and it's intentional. I have tossed friendships aside for this. I will also cut you off if you start spreading gossip about me, which is something else I ABHOR. We went out to dinner with Doug, his girlfriend, and her son. It was a great time...the dinner wasn't so great--Applebees, which is okay, but the waitress STUNK, and Doug's girlfriend was less than impressed. We all had a chance to talk, which was nice. I specifically addressed a couple of issues with Katie about her other family in front of Doug & Brenda, so they knew how I felt. One was no more cornering her grandmother about things from long ago....not worth it, especially where she's not well and won't be here forever. (Doug told me what the issue is, all I can remember is that she needs a pacemaker and won't have the surgery). The other was that she could only corner her father when no one else was around. No publicly humiliating him. Totally uncool. He and Brenda both agreed about this. She can ask him whatever she wants, but it has to be in the right setting. During a couple different conversations, Zachary, who is 7, let some things slip, as all little kids do. I had suspected a while back that Doug had maybe changed jobs. He didn't change jobs, he added a job...he now has his own business. Which, by the way, I happen to think is FABULOUS. It's what he's always wanted. He does auto body, and does a damn fine job. It is his love, passion, reason for existence, and he does it well. The fact that they chose to shush Zachary up instead of just admitting things is what bothers me. I know why they're not saying anything (at least, I think I do). They don't want to get "popped" for more child support. I can understand that, particularly if I had been continually taking him back to court to get more (which I'm totally entitled to). However, I've never taken him back in all the years since the court order was put into place. I need the money to come every week, at a predictable time, so I can do with it what I need to. I don't want any extra, as much as we could use it. I'd much rather see him just continue to step up to the plate, man up, and be a Dad. That's waaay more important than an increase in child support. And, there's no way to let them know this, at this point, without letting the proverbial cat out of the bag, there by causing some serious uncomfortable-ness between all parties involved. Sigh...I hate being an adult sometimes.

So.....

We got home last night and Douglas was on the answering machine again. This time, inviting us out to dinner. They'll be in our area, bringing his girl friend's youngest son to his father, and wanted to get together so we can chat. So, we called him back to accept. Then, I handed the phone to Katie so she could talk to him. First thing she did (after all the "how are you's" were done) was ask him why he didn't try to contact us before now. His reply was the only phone number he had was my mom's from when we lived in the trailer park and he didn't know we had moved, so he didn't know if the phone number still worked. Are you feeling this is a weak excuse, too?? Mind you, in our court order (which we haven't followed since May of 2000), it states that if either of us move more than 100 miles away, we need to contact each other. Since I never moved 100 miles away, I never bothered to tell him. AND, since his actions from May of 2000 indicated that he wanted nothing to do with Katie, I also didn't bother. Was that the right thing to do?? No, probably not. However, it's all over and done with. Stay tuned for the next exciting episode of "As The Stomach Churns".....

Things I hear people snivelling about

Snivelling, whining, moaning and groaning, bitching and complaining. They're all the same thing. Snivelling & whining tend to refer to children (except for some in my orbit), and the latter two are more "adult". I know that I do my fair share (and more, sometimes), however, there are times when I can't take hearing some of the same issues OVER AND OVER!! 1) "I'm a teacher, so I don't make any money" is probably my personal favorite. Currently, on "The Biggest Loser", one of the contestants who got voted off used that one. He lives at home, doesn't have a family to support. I get that he has student loans...so do I. However, I would GLADLY trade with him. He (and a lot of other teachers) make more than 2x what I do. I understand that there are some teachers who go way above and beyond because they love what they do and they do it well. Personally, I feel that these people should get a raise. It's the one's who stink as a teacher, who are only there to collect the paycheck, that I have a problem with!! 2) "How do you like what our current President is doing" and other snottily phrased comments about our current administration. To which I tend to reply (especially to the die-hard republicans I know) "I'd hate to have his job...he can't make anyone happy!" Because, really, he can't. Conversely, as much as everyone likes to say he's the head cheese, really, he's not. Congress is usually who is running the show. They are the ones who tend to get things "done", whatever they are, and the President is the one available for the photo op to sign something into law. At least, that's how it appears. I don't dislike our President, on the contrarey, I voted for the guy. But, even if I didn't, I'd still say the same thing. 3) " I don't have time to exercise". Really?? In the 10 minutes you've taken to snivel about how you don't have time for it, you could have gotten SOMETHING done. It's all about priorities. And, when you don't make you a priority, whoops! There it is! (this is the same person who can carve out time in her "busy" schedule to Christmas shop, but can't find the time to exercise..go figure) 4) "OMG, I'm so broke, I can't afford X". Listen. I'm tired of hearing that one, too. My income is relatively "fixed"--I say relatively because my tips change everything, and how often my clients want me to come in when I'm not scheduled--Yet, I can somehow manage, on very limited benefits from the state and child support (which I haven't gone up on in the 13 years I've been receiving it), to keep my cupboards full, my fridge full, clothes on our backs, a roof over our heads, a kitty to love, and a car to drive (complete with full coverage insurance). Would it stink beyond all measure to lose the one benefit I receive from the state?? (the Fed, actually, as it's food stamps) Yes. I would have NOTHING extra, EVER. But, I would find a way. I'm resourceful like that. The other thing I try hard to do is..................................................(drumroll) LIVE WITHIN MY MEANS. I'm not one to compete with the Jones's or anybody else, for that matter. I do not drive a fancy, expensive car, I don't wear designer clothes, (neither does my kid, for that matter)most of what I own is 2nd hand, or I've had it FOREVER. And yet, every 8 weeks or so, I can manage to pay for an expensive haircut, as my special treat to myself, pay for WW every week, pay for the laundry, and put gas in the car. How totally odd. I'm not trying to prove that I'm perfect. FAR from it. But, I've learned my lessons, the HARD way. I just wish everyone else would, too.