It's all about control

Last night, during the course of a conversation with my friend, Tod, on Facebook (you may remember him from my post about dipping my toe into the dating pool), He accused me of being a control freak and if I didn't like it, oh well. (Oh, well was not what he actually said, I cleaned it up for the sake of propriety) The whole conversation was quite odd, even though I will admit to starting it up by saying something to him that was mildly flirtatious in nature.

The lesson I learned with him, back in January, is to be careful how I respond to his complimentary remarks.  Back in January, I responded in kind, and he, eventually, wound up "hooking up" with someone on the eve of our first date, effectively ending everything before it began.  So, the end result is that I take his compliments with a grain of salt, because they're just words.  He may very well mean them, but that's all they are to me.  Especially when they're not said to my face, but typed on a page.

However, back to this control thing.  He told me that I can and do control the room.  Let's see.  In my job, my client's trust me to be in control of the situation, whether it's in understanding how they want their hair cut, or in how they want their hair chemically processed.  My professional opinion is highly valued.  So, whether I feel confident or not (and 99% of the time, I do), I have to project that I do.  Clients who are wishy washy on what they want expect me to take control of the situation and figure out what they want.  It's my job.  I'm also being looked at as a possible Salon Manager, who, ironically enough, also has to be in control of the room.  I kind of need to know what's going on around me so I can pitch in and help out with whatever is necessary.  Learning how to keep my big, fat beak out of things until asked is a separate issue and I'm working on that.

And then, there's my personal life.  I'm a single parent, as those of you who read this already know.  Therefore, I'm in control of things, ALL THE TIME.  I get to make all the decisions regarding everything, although, at times, Katie is a part of this process (it's all about teaching her to be in control, too, so I can let go when the time comes).

So, I guess you could say, I'm a control freak.  I'm the dominant, alpha dog.  Queen Bee.  Aggressive.  A bitch.  I could probably tone it down, to some extent, but, it's who I am.  I got comfortable in my skin a long time ago.  I guess some people envy that.  I really don't have any interest in completely changing who I am, just so others are comfortable around me.